...and the reason is you.
2004-05-21 at 7:05 p.m.
Negative thoughts never fail to bug me everytime i'm at home N he's outside with his motorbike.my fucked brain can never rest until i've fully analyzed the situation..will this ever end?i cant deny yesterday was sweet.Its been a long time since we've had such a delirious time together..i finally got comfortable riding his bike.my heart smiles everytime we're at a traffic light coz he wud put his arms on my hips N turn to smile at me.Nights at Esplanade are superbly beautiful when ur just chillin n laughin away wit ur loved one.he tells me stuff tt i wanna hear & i tell him everythin i haf on my mind.i gez we've reached a point where we're so comfortable wif each other.and i luv him cos he never failed to make me laugh after two damn years.
but i'm so afraid of being happy.i dont want to surrender myself to a love-daze state.i'm scared of being hurt but i still care for him.i am just so afraid of the past repeating & i hate myself.i hate the way i'm so paranoid,i hate the way i can come up with 100 assumptions. if i could,i wish to stop worrying.but,sigh.
This somehow made me want to cry.
Case#2
I met her during one of the holidays. I have never been so close to a friend than I had been with her. It gets to a point that the constant phone & MSN conversations seemed to be part of our daily routine. The endless talking about Days of Our Lives and the scenesters and the local rockstars and who we hate and love. And the day when we would call up each other to just slack at town. I will lie to myself if I said those were just memories and things are changing now. I think I did lie to her about saying I wont forget her. I didnt forget her, just that at times amidst the overgrowing hatred for you in school by anonymous shitheads, the constant nasty taggings on your friends & your boards, and the irritating stares by the mango addicts in school, she is the last thing on my mind. And I wasnt there when she was down & lonely. And I didnt share my whereabouts with her. And I bet she is clueless about him. I have been a bad darling star friend. And we do really need a lot of catching up. Matter is, when?
yes it made me a lil teary.cos i love her & i really miss being close friends..